Break the Cinderella Stereotype and Be a Savvy Stepmother

“Now that just a third of American households are “traditional” (heterosexual, married, with children), estate planners and advisors need to raise new questions with their clients and offer new solutions.”

It isn't a surprise, widows, widowers and divorcees often marry again later in life.  Whether this is a May-December relationship raising the hackles of nearby kin or not, there is something you can do bring down the temperature in the room and just plain get ahead of family relationship issues.

The stepmother did not want to be seen as rapacious or coming between the kids and their inheritance.

The solution was as follows: money for the stepmother was left to a marital trust with provisions for her benefit, while the children received accelerated inheritances through a series of Grantor Retained Annuity Trusts (GRATs), a qualified personal residence trust for a vacation compound and annual exclusion gifts.

Here’s another example: a male descendent of a wealthy family acknowledged that he had fathered a child without being married to the child’s mother. He had to seek legal determination to ensure that the child would be cared for.

Welcome to today’s new family. They include three-parent families, artificial reproductive heirs and blended families. These are all hot issues in the world of estate planning and attorneys are now addressing these new dynamics.

There are five basic questions that must be addressed when creating an estate plan today:

Who? Who gets your money and your stuff?

How much? How will it be divided among heirs?

When? Will it be at a specific age, or just when you die?

Outright versus in trust? With a trustee, you name a person who will control your assets.

Who represents you? An agent and a fiduciary, with a power of attorney who acts on your behalf, if you become incapacitated, an executor who is in charge of administering your estate, and a trustee who manages any trusts created.

Modern families don’t want old-school estate planning solutions. They want to know that their estate plan will work for their situation, which may not match the old “Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, Brother” construct. So, how should you handle the distribution of wealth for non-traditional families? If a child dies, and a live-in partner is rearing the children, should there be money for the children in a trust? What about taking care of the surviving partner, even if they were not married?

What about late-in-life marriages? If there’s a huge gap in years between grandparents and grandchildren, how will family wealth be passed down? Funding 529 trusts is one answer, and trusts are another. If the age gap is so big that grandparents never meet their grandchildren, a statement of intent in documents can be used to convey the goals and wishes the grandparents have for their grandchildren.

Providing for all children equally isn’t always the goal of the modern family. Some might think their ex-spouse will provide for children and leave them fewer assets than they would have, if that were not a factor. However, don’t assume that, even if you can’t have that conversation with your ex. If your intention is to distribute assets in unequal portions, you may save your loved ones a lot of pain and fighting, by either talking with them about it while you are still living or leaving a letter behind explaining your decision-making process.

It’s hard to tell what changes will come to families in the future, but one thing will remain the same: the need for an estate plan, done with the guidance of an experienced estate planning attorney, is essential.

Reference: Forbes (Jan. 29, 2019) “How Long Will Stepmom Live? And Other Vexing Estate Planning Questions for Modern Families”